I’m twenty two years old, and I’ve gone through two relationships in the past couple of years. Two. Failed relationships. Don’t know why I decided to blog about it, the subject just kinda came to me while I was at work the other day.
My first relationship was my high school sweetheart. Met her technically my junior year. Never really hung out with her, never really talked that much to her. But we were friends, hung out with the same crowd, stuff like that. But when her and I discussed it later in our relationship, we realized that some of the times we were together that first year we’d known each other, we were subconsciously flirting with one another. Small things, like telling her I’d be there for her, things that I never thought of myself as being flirtatious.
And I’ll always remember the night we first actually started dating. September 17th, 2004. Friday night, high school football game. Pretty cold out, and being the smart person I am, I’d left my jacket out in my car, far enough away that I wasn’t going to go out and retrieve it. She was there, and jokingly introduced me to her best friend as her husband. And so it was a little joke that we played on for the entirety of the night. Also, she cuddled up with me during the game to help keep me warm. During that time we talked about all sorts of things, as neither of us were really paying attention to the game anyways. And at some point I basically asked her out.
That same night was Senior night and so there was a bonfire for all of us Seniors after the game. I ended up leaving her and some of my other friends a little before the game ended so I could head over to the bonfire. On my way I sent her a sweet little text saying bye once more. And when some of my Senior friends and I went to get some stuff for Smores, I received a text from her. A text saying that yes she would date me. I was so excited that I almost tripped and fell into the bonfire. Seriously.
We fell for one another quick. Too quick. I literally asked her to marry me ten days later, and she’d said yes. So here I am, finishing high school and already “engaged”. Wasn’t quite sure what the hell I was doing.
Let’s fast forward about 4 years. Here I am, I’ve left college early, moved in with my fiancee, and starting two jobs. Already, we have had difficulties. Mainly, and honestly, the fact that I got to college and realized I wasn’t ready for the kind of commitment I’d put myself in. Yes, I was the unfaithful one, and as far as I know to this day, I was the only one of us to be unfaithful. Anyways, four years into this relationship, and we’re fighting more. Over stupid things. Things I look back at now and wish we hadn’t fought about. Thing that we had good right to fight about too, but those fights were few and very far between.
Needless to say, we broke up. She dumped me October 12, 2008. Wasn’t a very happy break up either. I didn’t want it, and so I ended up only making things more difficult. And that’s where my life began to fall apart. I became depressed, thankfully not severely. But I pretty much damaged all chances of getting back with her at all.
And then one of my good friends, no, someone that became a sister to me cause she looked out for me like she did, introduces me to her best friend. And so one night me, my “sister”, her boyfriend, and her best friend are all hanging out. One thing leads to another, and now me and her best friend are dating. Two days before her 21st bday, cool. Oh, but her friend lives in Terre Haute. Not fun, I hate the long distance thing, severely.
Anyways, I like this girl, so I want to give it a try. Hell, it was March 23rd when we started dating, so it took me nearly half a year to get over my ex. Things seemed to be awesome too, this girl opened my eyes to new things, and I thought life was getting better. And we talked about how much we loved one another, wanted no one else but one another, and yes, eventually we came to a point where I guess one would say that we were engaged. Only problem was, I’m still a tad insecure about things, still kinda hating myself for my last relationship, and still a tad jealous. We kinda fight from time to time, because I’m trying to be more trusting than I am. But that’s also my fault, because I know what horrible things I did in my first relationship, I know what horrible things can be done to me now.
But we’re working through things, right? Well, so I thought. Didn’t listen to what my other “sister” was trying to tell me, that she felt things weren’t right. Didn’t want to believe any of it. And then this girl goes back to college at the beginning of this fall semester, and I rarely hear from her. Which after a while, I started to get a little used to. Even with others pointing out that this wasn’t a good thing. So finally, December 28th 2009, I asked her. Did she even want this relationship anymore. And she said that she did, only she was “so bogged down” by life that she didn’t have the time or energy.
So, relationship two, done. And you know what pisses me off most about that one? Fiancee #2 told me how much she hated Fiancee #1 for the “mental torture” she did to me. Well… Fiancee #1 never just stopped talking to me for five months and then ended the relationship. But that’s just me saying…
So now I sit here and look at the end of this post (which I might add I’ve been working on since Feb 5th, 2010 5:10pm) and wonder “why did I type all of this out?” Maybe it’ll help me to finally have the full story out there? Maybe. Maybe I actually wanted to post something somewhat decent as opposed to “Blargh! Walmart sucked today”? Wal-Mart sucks everyday, so yes, that one is a fact. Hopefully this will help me though, I mean, this sucks having to deal with two failed relationships so close together in timing. I kinda sit here and watch as people I’m meeting now (through Twitter LOVE YOU GUYS! #wolfpack) are so happy in their relationships. Thinking, what is it that I’m missing? What life lesson am I to be learning from all of this?
“You can’t stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, it’s the best thing in the world. When you’re in a relationship and it’s good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete.”